Bank induced Tourette Syndrome

A good friend of mine - let's call him Tourette's Boy for ease - has just sent this letter to his bank.
I laughed so much I just had to share it with you!
Please, Tourette's Boy, let us have the reply from the bank!

Letter to the Bank

Dear Someone.

In this debt burdened world we exist in we are continually told to save money wherever possible. Sensibe advice that I try to take; I have been saving coinage for a good few years, those small denomination coins that are otherwise useless in everyday life with the advent of debit cards and the effect of inflation (Can you buy penny chews anymore I wonder?). I spent a torrid evening last week hunched over my dining room table impersonating Scrooge as I counted a large collection 1, 2, 5, 10, 20 & 50p into the appropriate amounts as printed on those small and (while we're having a whinge) extremely unfriendly bags (The opening is too small scuppering the attempts to count correctly as the coins spill onto the floor). Today, I have found time in my hectic life to drag myself to an Abbey branch to get them into my savings account that they may accumulate further wealth.

Imagine my astonishment then when I was told that Abbey do not take more than five bags at a time. My bank won't take cash anymore; or at least not a sensible amount of cash... In this instance, having kicked up a fuss in front of a long queue of other customers (as usual it was lunch and the tellers were, well, at lunch!) the branch agreed to take 20 bags; I think the point I started asking other members of the public in the queue if they could believe what I was being told was the decisive moment when the counter manager relented, bad press and all that.

The best part of this sad state of affairs was when I was told the reason they only take 5 bags was due to the size of the safe / vault and that they could not fit any more in. I guess that means that either the vault is full or you need a bigger vault. Do I honestly believe that explanation? Not one iota.

Now, I am a contractor on an hourly rate which means that it costs me money (lost income) to go to a branch. My nearest branch is in Egham, some 7 miles from where I work. That’s a 14 mile round trip and, with parking / walking time included I am looking at an hour to attend the branch. That’s £50 in lost income. Bearing in mind that I have (after banking 20 bags today for the grand sum of £20, the penny bags went in first!) another 50 or so bags left to bank, at 5 a day, that is another ten trips. Even before the cost of petrol, wear & tear on my car, parking charges I will be out of pocket £500 in lost earnings to bank the paltry sum of £160. Quite frankly, I would be better off if I just put the lot in the bin (Except that doing so is illegal as it defaces the Queens head).

Could you please in your infinite wisdom explain how I can bank my additional 50 bags in a single transaction (as the major high street banks allow – Barclays, Lloyds TSB as examples) rather than wasting several hours of my time and costing me in the order of £340? Quite frankly it’s another display of everything that is customer service in this country! Astonishing! Please do not, as your branch teller suggested, tell me to go to a supermarket and use their automatic counting machines as, as I explained to said teller and as I began this letter, I do not wish to spend the money but instead save it…
Yours, TB.

And these guys are looking after our funds??
Good luck to us all!