Frosty Conversation

Last night as I was sitting at my computer desk doing very important work indeed (looking at Flickr on the internet) a bizarre thing happened! The phone rang! This in itself is not very bizarre I grant you but the conversation surely was:

{Ring Ring}
Me: Hullo?? Crematorium, Oven 6. (My type of humour to see if people actually query this or just hang up or neither)
E.R.(Eismann Representative): Good evening! It’s Eismann calling for your monthly order of frozen foods!
Me: Cool! Eeehhmm . . I mean . . It’s no good this month because the seal on our freezer has gone!

E.R.: Would you just like me to repeat last month’s order?
Me: Would you just like me to repeat what I just said?
E.R.: What??
Me: The seal on our freezer is defunct!
E.R.: We have a special offer on frozen vegetables and fruits!
Me: Have you got a special offer on freezer seals??
E.R.: It’s 3 for the price of 2 !!
Me: What?? Freezer seals??
E.R.: No! Vegetables and fruit!
Me: [speaking very deliberate now] Our freezer is not working! It is switched off, it is defunct, no more, dormant, kaput, il ne fonctionne pas, it is a dead freezer, the vultures are circling overhead, finito benito, gone to the chilly hunting-grounds in the sky!
E.R.: When will it be fixed?
Me: When I have time to fix the new seal!
E.R.: When will you have time to fix the seal?
Me: Who are you??? My mother??? It’s none of your gorram business!!
E.R.: Could you use your neighbour’s freezer?
Me: Have you met my neighbour??
E.R.: Can I talk to your wife?? Is your wife there??
Me: Yes, my wife, my daughter and my dog are all here, none of which doubles up as a freezer in their spare time!!! So unless you are going to deliver the goods in a freezer which you can leave with me for a month you might consider getting off this gorram line!!!
E.R.: I ring back in a month then??!!
Me: Could you maybe ring back in 2009?!?!?
E.R.: No need to get sarcastic!!
Me: Sorry! Must go and shampoo our Cactus plant! [hangs up]

Wife: Who was it??
Me: Eismann!!
Wife: Did you tell her that our freezer is out of action!
Me: Yes, dear! I think I did!

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