Smelly Scents in Smeg Town

Having avoided the smegging town of Aylesbury for a week I just had to go into town today to visit the bank and get new Aftershave, as I had completely run out.
At lunchtime I therefore saddled the trusted car and rode to Morrison’s car park.
The bank was a quick in-and-out affair and I entered the smelly section of the department store in the centre of town.
Looking over the counter at all the men’s toiletries I decided to try something new.
‘What can I get you?’ the friendly assistant asked in a posh voice.
‘Eeehhhmmm, I want to try something new’ I spouted. ‘I have tried Paul Smith, Allure and Armani but thought I’d have a go at something else.’
‘Do you like citrus?’ the assistant wanted to know.
‘I like limes’ I joked ‘They are so funky!’
No reply apart from an Oi-weirdo-leave-my-shop look.
‘Sorry, I do like citrus!’
‘Aha, I thought so, as all the names you’ve mentioned are strong on citrus fragrance!’
‘As I said . . . I like citrus!?!’

‘ . . . pregnant pause here . . . ‘

‘What about Boss?’
‘What about him?’
‘Do you like Boss?’
‘Nope, not really!’
‘But this one is a citrus Boss!’
‘OK, let me see’
She squirts 2 or 3 puffs of mist from the Boss bottle onto a strip and hands it to me.
‘Naah! Don’t like it’
‘Here is one you will like!
It’s Issay Miyake!’

‘Issa who??’
‘Issay Miyake!’
‘Sounds like a Japanese motorbike! I can just see the picture of someone asking me what the aftershave is I am wearing and me blurting out “It’s Kawasaki!” . . . . Next’
‘What about this one, it’s new and it’s Italian!’
‘I like Italian!’
‘I am half Italian!’
‘Which half? Hahahaha . . . . ha!’
As I tried to smell it my brain was confused by Boss, Itchy Malakee and God knows what else.
‘Keep this strip for me and I will be back in a couple of minutes to sniff it again! My senses are overloaded.'
I walked around the store looking at jackets, shirts and sniffing as little as possible.
‘OK, hit me! Let me have the Izmir Myjacket and the Italian Job!’
A couple of sniffs later Italy had triumphed over Japan and I walked out with my new Eau de Toilette (or was it Aftershave??) with free shower gel and body balm under my arm. It’s called Zegna, just in case you are at all interested.

By the way . . . In the advert, is he riding a Japanese motorbike??