Smoke get in your Eyes
From July onwards England is joining the many countries to ban smoking in public places and this includes Pubs, the very place where people go to have a drink, a smoke and a chat with friends.
Now don't get me wrong, I could care less either ways and I am not for or against smoking in pubs but this latest announcement really shows again the nonsense this government is dreaming up no doubt under the influence of alcohol:
Thousands of council staff are being trained to police the smoking ban in bars, restaurants and shops in England.
Ministers have given councils £29.5m to pay for staff, who will be able to give on-the-spot £50 fines to individuals and take court action against premises.
They will have the power to enter premises undercover, allowing them to sit among drinkers, and will even be able to photograph and film people. Smokers' groups and industry officials said the plans were a "waste of money".
So let me get this right . . . we do not have any money available to improve local playgrounds, parks, schools or facilities for the elderly but we do have almost 30 million pounds (that's about 60 million Dollars) stashed away for some pimple-faced snotty wanna-be-police do-gooders to sit in our pubs, drink our beer just waiting for some group of youngsters to light up due to the fact that they are half-cut (or totally drunk) and the fact that they really don't give a rat's arse about most things, least of all a smoking ban.
The government has already conceded that the first time they find someone breaking this important law, they are just going to warn them.
So how is this going to work???
Let's look at an example:
It is Friday night and a group of lads and their girlfriends (all in their twenties) is meeting at the Cock & Bull Pub in Slough where they do what they always do: Have some Beers, some Vodka Chasers and take the p*ss out of each other.
At 10:30 p.m. Hooknose Harry and Stinky Steve light up a couple of fags for themselves and their girls, Big-boob Brenda and Corrie-the-Chav.
Suddenly wanna-be policeman Malcolm whips out a camera and starts flashing away at the group with the comment: "Ha, gottcha!! You are all criminals now and I have the evidence to prove it!" (waiving the camera at them in a "look at me, I am a detective"-sort of way.
"Next time I catch you it will cost you all £50 cash!!"
Challenging him, Trisha-the-tart is now lighting up and taking a deliberately deep drag on the cigarette places her mouth firmly on Sally Sicknote, exhaling and thus sharing the smoke with her.
More snapping of pictures, more warnings, more threats of penalties.
"I did not light up!" exclaims Sally, "So you better don't mess with me, buddy!"
Malcolm seems confused as to what to do about this. Now other youngster join in the fun and shout their mouths off about discrimination against lesbians.
Stinky Steve has meanwhile started on his second fag but insists on challenge that this is still his first one and asks Malcolm to prove the opposite - which of course he can't.
Seeing his authority being eroded before his eyes, Malcolm now waves his 'I am a w*nker but one with governmental authority' badge at them and asks them all for their names and the inevitable fine of £50.
About two minutes later the picture is as follows:
Hooknose Harry has embedded his left fist in Malcolm's face - Trisha-the-Tart has caught his camera, placed one of Malcolm's hands inside Big-Boob-Brenda's top and has taken a picture of him 'violating' her before shoving the camera up his arse!
Meanwhile barely 20 yards from the commotion, four 16-year old girls are puking up having spent the last 3 hours binge-drinking and flashing their boobs at pub goers.
They are all on the way to becoming alcoholics, school drop-outs and are this evening costing the tax-payer several hundred pounds each as they need to be forcefully removed by the proper police, ferried via police van to a cell to sober up or having their stomachs pumped and have reports written up about them, not to speak about the court costs when they are told that the charges against them have been dropped this time!
Their livers are shot, their prospects of getting jobs are slim and their reliance on the national health service (which you and I pay for) is likely to be great.
Instead of collecting revenue from those naughty, naughty smokers, the tax payer now needs to fork out for an operation to remove a camera from a wanna-be policeman's rectum and pay for an investigation for 'inappropriate behavior' by a wanna-be-police do-gooder who has been snapped having his hand down someones blouse as well as for the cost of a new camera!
Meanwhile the pub is getting fined for having people smoking there and has been forced to ban the lot of them for life, thus reducing their income by 20% as Stinky Steve, Hooknose Harry and all of their friends now prefer to drink and smoke at their various garden bar-b-que get-togethers instead of supporting the local pubs.
As to the growing problems of 'binge-drinking' . . . . who cares!!
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As for the Fun Monday post . . . I will have to sit this one out!
21 comments:
Whilst I'm for the ban (I'm a none smoker and hate my cloths smelling of old smoke after a night out in a local pub), cant the gov just say this is the law and leave it to us and our conscience and morality to decide whether we are going to flaunt the law or not, E.g. Speeding. We do not need specail undercover smoke detectors backing up the government in this nanny state. The fines should be enough deterrent for the pubs. Why have we not got specially trained spies, to stop the fox hunting ? Or water spies when water bans are in place
Gary - You are sooo right! Next thing you know we will get a special police to ensure we don't leave the toilet seat up after usage . . oh, wait!! . . that's my wife!!
I agree completely.
You say you have passed on Fun Monday, but that was pretty fun! I'm in the US (New Jersey) and our legislature recently passed a smoking ban. Thankfully they didn't piss away 60 million on undercover detectives. That's probably because they just gave themselves pay raises instead!
We have had a ban here in Ontario for the past little while, and it doesn't seem to cause problems. I have no idea how it is enforced, for people just realize that it's not the thing to do, and so they don't do it. I'm sure that establishment owners have an interest in keeping their businesses on the safe side of the law and will do much of the policing as it were. So, if it goes there like it has here, it will all be pretty peaceful and seamless. I do hear you with regards to government expenditures and lack of same in other areas, but the actual changeover to a non-smoking environment will probably not be all that difficult.
Sounds like something we would do in Colorado...oh wait, I think we just did.
Amazing how many bars have gone out of business.
I'm not a smoker but think there must be a better way and it has to be one that doesn't cost so much $$$.
Will wish you a wonderful week, now, as I won't have much time to visit for awhile.
I think you were rather fired up yourself writing this, my friend. Whooooaaa!
For me, this reminds me of the character Gomer on "The Andy Griffith Show"..."Citizens arrr-reeesst, Citizens arrr-reeeest!
So is the ban in the streets too because I am so tired of walking through a cloud of smoke right outside a building because people can't smoke inside. And I always wonder if smokers know how stupid they look huddled outside the door while they are on their break. Why don't we just let employers put in smoking rooms with great ventilation. I have worked in such a place and it was much better than everyone having to walk through it. As a non smoker I do appreciate not coming home smelling of smoke.
They introduced a far more comprehensive smoking ban here and it worked very well, as a non smoker who was neither for or against the smoking ban I was surprised with the ease with which it was accepted.
They do say all the craic now happens outside the pubs under the gas heaters.
Dear very nice man. In Australia, they have different laws for different states. So in NSW, you can only smoke in one room of the whole establishment (usually where the slot machines are). But it is self policed and very successful...
Now water is another story. We have water police in Australia. And they won't give you a warning. Do you have a leak that you don't know about and is drowning your neighbour's yard? The neighbour won't tell you, they'll dob you into the water police. Talk about turning neighbour against neighbour... Albeit the place is in a drought in water is a precious resource.
Erik as a non-smoker I have to say I actually object to coming home reeking of smoke and with sore eyes. However most people are much more respectful of others in recent years.
However what about this-in Bristol the council are talking about introducing a smoking ban in peoples own homes - that is no smoking while a professional carer, HV SW etc is on the premises.
your right it will be a hard thing to enforce.
It does seem kind of excessive.
My pregnancies were subjected to second hand smoke in the office and I often wonder if I damaged my babies that way.
But, pubs taverns bars... you can choose not to inhabit a smoky tavern so people should be able to smoke there.
Now as I see it - there should be "smoking" pubs and "non-smoking" pubs....
Plenty of people would go to both.
Smoking has become a topic equivalent to homosexuality, abortion and religion, no?
Wow...the nice man is FIRED UP! I agree, a total waste of resources.
They just imposed a smoking ban in all public places here in Arkansas. However, if the establishment clearly does not allow people under the age of 21 through the doors, then smoking is allowed.
We have smoking bans here in Connecticut (USA) also.
Understand I am a non smoker but it just seems silly and correct me if i'm wrong. But a bar is a bar. It is a place where people drink, make asses out of themselves. Does anyone really care if they are getting second hand smoke when they are ruining their liver. LOL. Just seems odd. They say it is for the safety of the workers. Well, I know here the workers aren't happy because people are know staying home.
We have smoking bans here in Connecticut (USA) also.
Understand I am a non smoker but it just seems silly and correct me if i'm wrong. But a bar is a bar. It is a place where people drink, make asses out of themselves. Does anyone really care if they are getting second hand smoke when they are ruining their liver. LOL. Just seems odd. They say it is for the safety of the workers. Well, I know here the workers aren't happy because people are know staying home.
Here in Arizona, we're instituting a county-wide ban on smoking in bars that came into effect as of January 1, 2007 and will be enforced as of mid-year.
I'll have to let you know how this gets enforced (we have some cities here in the area that instituted this ban several years ago), and while I agree that it costs a tremendous amount of money, and yes, smoking and bars/pubs is synonymous, but frankly as a sufferer of a heart/lung condition, I'm glad this ban will be instituted because now I can sit in a bar and listen to my friend's band and other live music.
Just being selfish...
Wow...such an effort to keep people from smoking! Secret undercover spies, though? OMG, what a waste of resources...
I've been off the cigs for almost two years now, and as a non-smoker, I think folks would do better to allow a business owner choose to either be all-smoking or all-non-smoking in their establishments. Why not let birds of a feather flock together and puff away together? That would solve the outside-an-establishment smoker problem as well.
A great read, VNM! And yes...btw...I am a REAL woman! ;)
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