Dirty Work

Article in yesterday’s “The Times” Newspaper:

German women who can't face dumping their lovers are hiring a man to do it for them.
Perhaps if Bernd Dressler were smaller, sicklier, a little less confidently self-tanned and ivory-toothed, he’d be beaten up for doing the job he does. His victims find it difficult to argue with his unflinching, vaguely glamorous authoritativeness, the way he sternly peers out at them over the top of his fashionable spectacles to deliver the bad news, as if the German Paul McKenna had decided personally to intervene in their lives.
“There’s irritation. Then incredulity — ‘Where’s the hidden camera?’ ” Dressler says airily from behind a desk in his tiny Berlin office. “But once I show them the contract it starts to sink in.” The contract says that Berndt Dressler has been hired “to terminate the relationship between his client and his/her partner INSERT NAME”. Then there’s a list of reasons why.

Well, isn’t that just fantastic news, ladies - and I am sure soon someone will do the same for the gentlemen. Now you can breathe easily right from the start.

Pick your partner (not too carefully - no need!), have a lot of fun with him/her, get bored or exasperated or find someone else and Hey Presto!!
After not taking responsibility for the relationship coming together in the first place and not taking responsibility for the relationship cooling down you now also do not need to take responsibility for the death of the relationship.

You are therefore totally irresponsible!!!
. . .
. . .
No wait, - that sounded all wrong! I didn’t mean that, did I??

I mean, you can feel good - well, no, not good . . but OK about the whole thing for 2 reasons:
1.) At least you gave him/her (and yourself) an end with horror rather then horror without end
2.) Duh!! You’ve paid good money for it, so that makes it OK! The break-up has cost you dearly, you poor thing!!



So, let’s just check everything through to ensure we have the complete lover’s relationship sandwich (no pun intended here!) and see if this would work for marriages as well.

On the bottom we have:
No hassle speed dating
So we don’t have to get of off our arses to meet people and when we do we don’t have to go through the laborious time called courtship (where we would actually find out much more about a possible partner and build trust and relationship). Instead we get a bunch of lonely people in a room, see whether they throw up seeing us or if we throw up seeing them, ask them a couple of pertinent questions such as “Do you have aids or gonorrhoea” and “How do you feel about being humped on your first date?” and then settle with this partnership ‘choice’.

In the middle we have:
Relationship (good, bad, indifferent)

At the top we have:
No hassle speed separation
So we can get on with our lives and with new, more exciting partners without having to do this pesky breaking up and arguing (or even crying, eeeww!!) bit that is just so tedious.

Excellent! We’re almost there!

All we need to find now is someone who will do all that yucky, fluffy stuff in the middle such as telling our partner that we love him/her, buy their presents and . . well . . talk to them!

I wonder if I have a look in Google, whether . . . .